Healing a broken heart

A season of brokenness and a broken heart is not a thing to be despised or intentionally look to avoid. It is rather a moment in time when God can draw close to us and us to Him to build strength and healing into our lives. The Bible shares the reality that “God is close to the broken hearted and those who are crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18. I remember when my heart was first broken in my early twenties when my boyfriend of five years wrote me a “Dr John” letter to finish our relationship; I was devastated. My response at the time was one of extreme loss of my future dreams and hopes the result being I turned to alcohol as my comforter rather than God. I decided to go on a a journey to prove that I was good enough and attractive. A recipe for disaster. A broken heart can lead to destruction or a life fully lived.

If God doesn’t despise our brokenness then why should we? It is only societies that would say not to put your pain on display and pretend everything is ok. God however wants to use our broken seasons and there are many we will travel through. Jesus warned us of this in the when he was alive on earth “In this world you will have trouble but take heart for I have overcome the world” John 16:33. Jesus was known as a man of sorrows he put his brokenness on display before going to the cross to die for us all by weeping blood and tears about what was ahead; being separated from God his father and carrying the evil ways and thoughts of humans in his own body. The weight, pain and brokenness he must have felt. Amazingly that he overcame all of that as a human with his life laid down trusting God that all of that brokenness would pass and joy would return.

With Jesus overcoming it brings us hope that when our lives are rooted in Him we can follow His way, the way of the cross. To put all of our own brokenness and pain at the foot of the cross and leave it there. You see our faith really does make us well that is the difference between saying we have faith and walking by faith in Christ. We either give it lip service or it brings healing to our minds and bodies which the world cannot do.

One of the key things with a season of brokenness is make sure we don’t make it our home. It is good to be humble before God but brokenness of heart is something different. When our hearts are broken we will struggle to function whereas humility is acknowledging I do life on Gods terms and through His ways. When we are broken hearted we have to watch disappointment doesn’t lead to long term depression. I wish I had known some people at the time of my own broken heart who would have come around me to encourage me and speak life to be rather than the alcohol voice of no self -worth and a hopeless case that set in to be my best friend. I didn’t know at the time that I could bring all my emotions and reactions under God and be at peace with what he was working through in my life to get me to where he needed to be. With God there is always a way through broken heartedness and a letting go of our ways allows for the flow of healing and restoration. Sadly, we often fight this process.

“Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”

 Psalm 50:15

There is a power in our broken place that I didn’t discover until much later. It is the power of the journey of displaced living to discover yourself and God. Your real self I mean. Many a time we place ourselves in relationships to people, places, organisations and so on to feel like we matter and have an identity. When all the time God is trying to get our attention saying “I am over here; come and follow me” just like when Jesus called His first followers to leave their business and spend time with Him promising to show them a different way. Eventually God in His lovingness sent some people to me to draw my attention to the brokenness that I was loudly exhibiting for general display. Part of my healing from that time to realise that not all was lost. I realised I had a future and I started to pray Psalm 51 every day “Create in me a clean heart and do not take your Holy Spirit away from me.” God knows His own voice and words, He responds to that level of faith. As I began my relationship with God my real identity emerged from the place of a broken spirit and a broken and yielded heart toward God; my only hope. Hope springs up from the broken places if we can turn our gaze off the troubles to Gods voice and heart toward us. A voice of love and compassion.

When we turn our life plan from building our own empire and success to more God shaped ways such as drawing alongside others like the good Samaritan in the Bible we will find that the healing of our hearts comes through reaching out to touch people’s lives with the goodness of God that has touched ours. We begin to feel again. Feeling of compassion and empathy as we notice the brokenness of others. When we have travelled through we can see it in the eyes and voices those around us. The power of our broken heart journey is that we know the path out of that place. We know how to help others engage in the restoration process. Noticing that God has built some endurance and strength into our minds and bodies as He has rebuilt and rebooted us out of the dark place that once looked like it was about to destroy us; that power comes from the journey of deep pain.

Looking back it was my ability to surrender that broken heart to God and not keep carrying it around like a broken record. That is what lifted me to a place of power my surrender to God and His ways. It was only as I looked at the why and what happened that I realised there were deeper layers to myself and areas of vulnerability in myself to be aware of as I journey through this life. What I really learned was this. My life laid down and hidden in Christ is the safest place to be. It’s not that I am in denial of the pain, suffering and sadness that goes with a broken heart it is more that I am not alone in all of that, Jesus is right there with me and I get to follow him by doing what he did. Saying a prayer which He said just prior to His death “Father your will not mine be done.” It’s a great surrender prayer to pray. Once we have let go God can step in and start moving things on our behalf to let His glory be seen.

Expert taken from “Mending the Broken hearted” taken from an anthology which I was able to write two chapters for last year. If you would like to read more please click here.

Faith on Fire

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In these difficult days we face we are facing loss of some sort. Loss of real-life relationships, routines, work, finances, travel, freedom of movement and for some loss of loved ones. I have daily found myself with a choice each day. Is my faith going to be on fire or under fire today?

Each day I am choosing to be on fire. Even when my feelings are quite low I am consciously choosing to be on fire with God. I think it is normal to feel low with so many unknown challenges and changes but how we mentally respond is vital to our long-term wellbeing. Whatever situations we may face we can still choose to live on fire through the power of the Holy Spirit living on the inside of each one of us.  We have so much to be thankful for.

The life,  death and resurrection of Jesus happed to attain eternal life in all abundance for humanity “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life John3:16.” When we are under fire we reflect on our security and assurance in and through Jesus Christ whatever happens. That is something to be thankful for.

We don’t have to let fear determine our life. We may feel apprehensive as we go to the supermarket but apprehension is not the same as living rooted in fear. Apprehension warns us to take good practical precautions when needed but we remain at peace; the presence of God himself with us. The gift that Jesus passed on.

In Psalm 43 we see the Psalmist speaking to himself and reminding himself how to overcome the low feelings when they try and land. Put our hope in God. Remind ourselves of who He is and what He has done for us personally, see Him as your saviour and your God. It is time to get back to basics in our faith and watch is become on fire again.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God” Psalm 43:5.
 
If you are struggling with fear there is no shame in that only please take the exit door on it today. Here is one thing I did myself a few weeks back to get back to basics and stop that fear coming on me. I felt to let God clean my heart again by speaking to God through praying a Psalm.

Psalm139: 23 -24
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”.

I then spent some time in prayer to lay down the things God showed me. I then prayed Psalm 91 over my life giving up the spirit of fear and sensed  a stillness; God’s presence  starting to fall on me. I have placed my life firmly in the hands of God Himself.  Call it a decluttering of the baggage we can pick up as we go along.

Fear can be a door way for the devil to really mess with our hearts and minds and can cripple any faith we may have. If you are feeling the pressure of the crisis we find ourselves in then go ahead you will notice the presence of God and clear thinking being restored to you. We really don’t have anything to lose now by trusting in God. Jesus left His peace with us when we believe in Him so why not access that peace and notice your faith will be on fire and not under fire.

Walk it out

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Faith is a journey to be walked through and out. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. Being transformed is not automatic when you bump into God. I have concluded that there is a process of transformation we will all go through as we walk through life with God. If our change was automatic then we would miss out on getting to know God in a personal way and it would be more like a magic show. “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God” Romans 10:17. Gods voice to us is for our benefit and to be life giving and growing. Transformation comes by hearing God and then doing what He says.

I was recently in a situation that I felt I couldn’t go through and didn’t know if I had the ability to cope in myself. As I lay in my bed in the middle of the night praying (asking God what to do) a small quiet inner voice said “you can if you let me lead you through.” I said thanks went to sleep peacefully and I am now working with God each to let him lead me. Every other voice or opinion is not important as I am walking it out with God now. It is a much easier ride.

Often trying to avoid discomfort at all costs we step away from painful or difficult situations in life. We avoid difficult people, places, memories that are going to push the buttons of discomfort. What we can learn from the life of first century Christians is that they embraced hardship and went about facing difficulties with a frame of mind “Being strong in Christ” and having a solider like way of being 1 Timothy 2.

It would be true to say that we don’t know what’s on the inside of us until we are challenged. There have been times when under pressure a darker side of my will pop up which never ceases to amaze me. I then take that darker unhelpful side of me to the cross and lay it down at Jesus feet in doing so I am discovering the next layer of transformation and humility.  As I surrender God can come and do His work in my body, mind and spirit. In that way God uses our life journey to bring transformation. We are people of many layers so it takes time and patience with ourselves. Difficult life situations can be turned around for good as God uses them as a pathway to heal and restore us into Christlikeness. Transformation is not automatic it requires us to walk it out and win the battle.

 

 

Battle Zone

Canva - Skylights, Spirituality, Faith, Symbol, InvocationWhilst their are many who are joyful in this Christmas season their are also many going through huge personal battles. There were many battles going on when God became flesh in the form of Jesus that first Christmas, the pains of childbirth of Immanuel (God with us) that creation would have felt. The personal battles, worries that Joseph and Mary faced.  It’s no wonder that the battles often seem more intense as we celebrate the birth of our saviour – the rumbles of history present in aftershocks.

Facing battles, we can feel lost, isolated and even question where is God when we don’t sense His presence or direction. It doesn’t mean He is not there or that we are not being led out of the battle zone. Fortunately, our faith is not based on our feelings they can rapidly change. Our faith is built on who God is. Our stance is to trust in Him and follow His leading.

All over the Bible we read about heroes of faith people who believed what God said then trusted and followed Him. Could it be that occasionally it slips our mind that there will always be battles dashed across our life span.  The heroes of faith had stories of battles and how to pass through difficult times because they had lived it out. If you are in a battle right now its producing a story that will help someone else to navigate that difficult path; it’s producing wisdom in your life.

Abraham was a person of faith. He heard God, spoke to God and listened to what He said. His faith had action.  James 2:23 -24 “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”[e] and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.” Living beyond the battles takes action. Moses was another hero of faith who listened to God and responded positively to Gods voice into his life.

Any battle we encounter God has a perspective on it. We only have to chat to him through prayer and listen to His voice back. If you can’t hear then maybe the battle has overtaken and is shouting too loudly. Get to a place where you can hear Gods wisdom again. I often pray whilst I am driving. I may say something like “right I have a problem now Jesus and I don’t know what to do what’s going on?’ Strangely the ability to hear the still small voice is there. Then I push a bit more to get direction “what shall I do then?” I like to keep it simple and believe in the if I don’t ask I don’t get theory.

Faith is active and God wants to help us through the battles. Time to press in and get wisdom and direction. We are not alone God is always with us and has promised to not leave us alone as orphans. Faith is to be lived out not just a theory.

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

 

 

 

 

 

The strength of Love

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Someone said those few words “look after yourself” and those few words have had me thinking for a few weeks about how we do that and the why we need to do it. I have discovered that when we look after ourselves we are then able to give love to others.

Love comes in many shapes and expressions. It is really up to us how much we access the ability to love from inside our hearts to then propel outward toward others. I think like many other things in life to flow in the ability to love is a choice we daily make. Some days we may have to choose to love ourselves first so that we can then love others.

Loving ourselves requires intentional awareness that the need is there to refuel or as the popular phrase reveals “have some me time.” This can be extremely difficult when under a lot of pressure and have a busy life. It will be the last thing you want or feel like doing but without the “me time” we will spiral and be no good for anything or anyone. It may not be appropriate to book a luxury spa or holiday or even hang out partying with friends in fact those things can produce guilt if you are. I find going for a walk alone down the street for thirty minutes can be amazing or finding a quite space and sit and read a book for ten minutes. I always carry a book with me for that reason.

I remember when my friend was very ill and dying in hospital many years ago at the time I was still in the party scene and thought I would let off steam by going out with a bunch of friends. It was the last thing I needed to be doing. I only ended up feeling ashamed and full of guilt. That wasn’t flowing in the ability to love either myself or anyone else. I learned a lesson that day of what was needed and what wasn’t.

We can have the ability to choose to love or not. The biggest challenge will come when there is a personal cost with it. I am not speaking of a financial cost although sometimes that is required, but rather the cost of time, energy a letting go of our own desires to put someone else first; that kind of cost. Jesus called this “loving your neighbour as yourself.”

Jesus often spoke about giving to those who can’t repay you or say thank you is actually really important. I have come to realise it is through those acts of love and kindness that our hearts are opened, our character is tested and formed and our skill set is developed and we gain strength on the inside. No personal challenge no personal growth. I don’t think there is any course that can teach you how to love. This one comes through opening our hearts to God and others and putting aside our own selfish desires. Then leaning into Christ we begin to understand the meaning of “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbour as yourself’ Mark 12:30-31

Remember to love yourself too in the midst of loving others.

 

 

Hope is Everywhere

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If there is one message I bang on about when I am speaking it is the power of hope. It is a guarantee in life that nothing will remain the same. Change will happen therefore hope plays a big role in how we perceive the change.

I can clearly remember moments in time where I thought I wish I could stop the clock and stand still in this very moment with these very people because I am loving what I am doing right now. 

Times I have travelled on teams and loved it, the day I got married, buying our first home together, my three years training for ministry at college and living in community (although some days that did grate), moments spent with my parents, doing crazy things with close friends. We all want to stay in the moment but those moments will change and we can’t recapture them as they are unique times and seasons. 

I remember one early morning in a Ugandan village sat on the veranda reading my Bible and watching the world go by as people collected water before the hot sun. I still sense the memory of that moment thinking to myself this is amazing and I love it. I went back to that place a couple of years ago and it didn’t produce the same feeling as the people I shared the experience with were not with me. In fact I now felt sadness at the loss of that time and place. Change had happened and I was in a new season that was still amazing just different. 

I was now with different people doing different things. Life is not supposed to be lived on repeat or hope would have no purpose. We can not recapture the past but only hope for the new. If we lived life on repeat it could be seen as strange behaviour because God has so much more for us to see and be part of. He is very much into our personal development. 

The old ways and things we do will become worn out and we will need operate in hope to bring the different into being. Scripture communicates that these three remain in life “faith, hope and love.” Hope brings faith to the heart of those who desperately need change from a difficult situation. I have sat on the streets with women in addiction and heard hope in their heart for a different way of life only to sit with them years later in cafe and see that hope had worked it’s wonder and change had come. Such a privilege to watch that happen. God is often active and we don’t even know it. 

So hope really is everywhere. I hope I do not stay the same, doing the same things with the same people. Change will come it is inevitable so have hope and walk it out in faith with love as you go. Wisdom states “to everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven” Ecclesiastes 3:1

The Gift of Friendship

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I write this whilst I am sat in Rwanda preparing to leave after another tough but wonderful trip. I was asked if I miss home whilst I am away? My response was I miss people. With modern communication and social media I can keep in touch with my family.

However I miss those I have interactions with more often such as my friends who I hang out with and my work colleagues and my Church family. It is only when you are absent that you miss people and value their presence in your life.

I have been coming to Rwanda for many years now and have developed friendships and a sense of community here too. Over the years we have many genuine friendships that have grown. It is a joy to have two worlds where I can be part of communities and be accepted.

God brings people into our lives so we can have a sense of belonging and not feel isolated in the world. We pass through difficulties together and celebrate successes too. It is a place to listen, grow and share. We encourage and find a synergy to keep moving when we are together. Positive friendships build our lives and negative ones take until you have nothing left to give. Their work is done as you are destroyed.

Jesus drew a bunch of people together. They became friends and journeyed together. They had disagreements like anyone else. There were fights about who was the greatest friend to Jesus. My point is friendships are tested and we will need to be gracious and forgive. When we do we have growth. It takes the friendships to another level of trust.

Take a moment to observe those God has brought into your life. Take time to be with those that God has placed us with. Our lives are made stronger and wider by those we hang out with.

God and the poor

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The gospel of Luke focuses on the ministry of Jesus amongst the poor and social justice. Luke 10 we read about the good Samaritan who picks up the beaten man and pays his bills.  The lost son in Luke 15 who found himself in extreme poverty and the father who longed for him to come home. Hebrews 13:16 “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased” God likes it when we share what we have. He has given us so much through Jesus it’s not much to ask that we now share our lives too. 
The book of Luke is full of such stories. I am sure we could recount stories where we have noticed the poor in our world and done a random act of kindness toward someone. I try to practise this as a way of life. Not that I feel the need to be a do gooder. It’s that I can’t turn my back on social injustice as God asks us to bring reform and be the change thats needed.
When we look around societies around the world we don’t have to look far to see the resident poor. Whenever I travel to Europe, Africa, US and around the UKI notice the poor have a presence. We don’t have to look far to see them if we open our eyes and heart to engage.
I once sat and watched a woman who was mentally unwell be avoided in a cafe in the UK because she was different. I brought her a coffee and breakfast ( the staff could handle it ). That day she knew someone had noticed her. Be the change that is needed.
Another time I was with a friend and we took a woman who had severe mental health issues to lunch with us on a conference day. Six months later I saw her carrying her belongings in a trolley in Liverpool Street Station talking to herself and people avoiding her. That lunch day was a precious day that I often reflect on.
As I walked around a city in Africa. I noticed a group of women fighting in ripped clothes and high on drugs. One woman was beaten badly I knew I had to respond to what I was seeing. Hence we now have a transformational ministry that reaches out to poor women who have to sell themselves to feed their children and pay the rent. Become the change that is needed.
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I noticed a bunch of young people in Uganda sitting under a tree playing instruments. They were school dropouts so we helped a friend get a farm up and running so the young people could learn some skills and eventually earn some money fro the project. It is a growing farm and young people are given value and self respect through it. We all have something in our back pocket to use, time, energy and finance to help someone else it is only a matter of our choices.
What I notice is this. As we notice the poor and respond in various ways. Our hearts are made healthier as we are look away from ourselves and our own self obsessed behaviours to become more like God the father who is love. It’s a spiritual practise.

Finding Yourself

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God has His plans and purposes set out for us. We can think we are doing one thing and actually God is up to something else. I thought I was going through a mid life thing and have had a sense of discontentment for a couple of years. Great to know He had a plan to help.

On reflection I think I got lost in becoming who people want me to be. In a way I have been rejecting myself hence the discontentment.  The most helpful thing that has happened this year is my reconnecting to a long lost friend after eighteen years.

Three months later we ere on the plane to east Africa together.. This is the place where I connected with God twenty years ago and where I am still called. The Bible speaks about where your treasure is there your heart is too I certainly have a passion and love in my heart for the people in east Africa.

By taking my friend with whom I have a shared history I realised who I was again. I noticed  that I had become lost in being who people want me to be trying to fit in and avoid rejection. This trip I have been more my real self, laughing and joking ( not taking myself seriously) I felt free to worship God,dance, pray and speak from my heart when preaching than ever before.  I think there is an unspoken pressure to perform in modern society and that behaviour is unsustainable.

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Jesus invited people to follow Him as they were. Yes, the disciples were challenged and formed by hanging out with Jesus for three years. But I don’t sense a rule book when reading the gospels but a shaping of character through relationship with God in human form. Jesus accepts people unconditionally and draws out the true self.

I am a simple person who wants to pursue God 100% because I love Him. It’s as simple as that. I was born with a personality that is fun loving, kind and considerate person. Africa and the many friendships developed over the last twenty years have formed my relationship with God.

I have loved being in Africa with my friend and being able to laugh a lot and enjoy all Gods goodness in my life. I do sense a new beginning of being real with who I am. So thank you God for setting this up and thank you my friend for coming on the journey with me. If you feel lost ask God for help and let Him bring life to the lostness.

 

Chapters in Life – Pages in a book

 

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Around every corner is a new horizon an opportunity or a choice to move in a new direction. It strikes me that in our lifespan we can have many chapters and those chapters are written from the story of you and I. Our ups and downs, people we encounter, places we travel too, family we have, locations we live in. Each twist and turn we make expands our life story.

In the book of Psalms 139:16 it is reflected that all our days are written out in Gods book.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” 

What amazes me about this is that God has a book and our days are noted in that book – how cool is that. That’s how much we are cared and loved by Him. However if there is a book it may have chapters. Those chapters may have sub chapters with interesting avenues to walk down in the ever-expanding story of our lives.

I think our stories are meant to expand and grow. The story of God in the Bible is one of growth and development with His love being shown to many generations. So as followers of such a person with an amazing story our lives are surely not meant to be narrow but rather be a reflection.

Each week we could look at our week as a fresh page in this exciting book being written. This grants us permission to turn the page of last week or begin a new chapter and close the last one. Even if we have had successes in the last chapter we may not want to bring those into the next. Growth, impact and creativity are the kind of words that conjure up possibilities to write a fun and inspiring life story.

So full steam ahead this week fill some fresh pages or start a new chapter. Embracing a change in our world enables others to get on the journey of change and transformation. Even Jesus spoke about the opportunities of change to His followers as He prepared them for His leaving

John 16:7 “but very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.”